Postpartum body

These are the scars of pregnancy: the linea negra running down my belly, the stretch marks, the belly, and of course the actual scar.

There is a black line that runs 2 or so inches above my belly button (which that in-itself is a whole other thing) down to my c-section scar, as if to say, "hey, I may not be a yellow brick road but follow me and see where I was cut open! Hooray!"  Apparently, that may not go away for a year.  I have no reasonable explanation for it, but it grosses me out. Do they make skin colored sharpies that I can use to color it in with?

It's a struggle even more so now to see myself naked. The stretch marks make me sad, and even though they are the result of something great, they still make me feel inadequate. I was excited, it seemed as though my skin was going to be extra stretchy as there was no evidence of the "marks" until the last few weeks of pregnancy. I don't know if Jackson was more focused on my left side or not, but only the left side has been assaulted by them.  So if you ever catch a glimps of my stomach, please only look at the right side. (hahaha, like that's ever going to happen)

As for the belly, one word sums it up nicely: FUPA.  Apparently, stretch marks and FUPAs can go hand in hand. It's hard to tell how much is due to excess body fat, or just stretched out skin.  At this point, probably both. While I found a lady brave enough to blog about it (http://hannahsreductions.blogspot.com/2011/06/fupa-progress-yay-or-nay.html) you wont have to worry about seeing mine. It was nice to see that perhaps I am not alone with the fight against the FUPA. How many times can I say (write) FUPA in one paragraph? FUPA!  While I really only gained 33lbs, if I were to do it again, I might try to gain closer to the 25lb range.  In all honesty, at the end, most of it was water weight: thus playdough ankles.

Then there is the scar... which, I believe actually just enhances the above mentioned (I figured saying it 5 times was enough for one post). I am not anti-scar.  I have many scars just from the nature of my work, it's just the location.  It will fortunately be hidden with my pants or tops, but sometimes pants sag and shirts rise up and  I feel as though it just screams "HEY LOOK AT ME", which is just one step closer to looking at my lady parts- which, as the scar indicates- are still intact (hooray, plus side!)

I did have my doctor's appointment today.  And the good news is that I have lost 23 of the 33lbs. 10 more to go!!! I was also cleared to regain physical activity, I just have to start slow.  So, I came home and ran a mile!!! I cannot tell you how wonderful it felt! I was a new woman. So excited to have my feet/tires hit the pavement in a quicker fashion than walking. Marathon training, here I come ;)

Despite all the above mentioned, it's not like I can't say I wasn't warned.  You always think "oh that will never happen to me" but it inevitably does, but it's not without a reward, and a pretty awesome one at that! I wouldn't trade Jackson for any of it.