The Squeakers are all gone

You have killed all the squeaker toys. They were your favorite. You had a talent for locating the squeaky portion of a toy and making sure it would not squeak anymore, much to your dismay.

Even after all the begging it took to get you, you turned out to be a daddy's girl

You loved Edgar so much

Your evidence is all over. The big tv that I had to let your dad get so that I could get you (after I begged and begged). The new DVD case with chewed DVD covers, the new(er) xbox controller that I had to get your dad for Christmas to replace the one you chewed, the larger dog crate so that you could room with your brother, the demolished raw hides that your brother is reluctant to go back to, and the baby gates that are now down. Loki slowly came into the living room looking for you, waiting for you to pounce.  Edgar waited a fraction of a second longer when fed dinner waiting for you to come. But you never came and Loki never got pounced.

I sit outside with Jackson and Edgar and I can see you running in and out of the bushes doing your "pepe le pew" dance looking for the bunny that once was there. I still feel the need to call you in when Edgar is about to go potty so you don't eat it, and I picture you "treeing" all the squirrels in the yard. 

I had to pick up your bowl, it was too painful to see standing by the stove, but I haven't been able to clean it yet. Puck seems to enjoy your leftover canned food.  I took Edgar for a walk, probably the most painful walk to take. I barely held it together until I got home.

I am thankful for the extra time I got to spend with you and for being on maternity leave.  We got to go for more walks, had more cuddle time, more bone time and more yard time. I am sorry I had to split my attention with the new "bald puppy".  Even though he couldn't express it yet, I am sure he loved your kisses. You guys would have been great friends.

The end came so fast. Within one day you loved breakfast but then couldn't stomach dinner. You stopped chasing squirrels and lacked the energy for walks. You needed our help getting on and off the couch. Your back end would wobble and any low obstacle for you to step over or off of seemed like climbing Mount Everest. We saw the signs. We knew that we would have to say goodbye soon. I at first thought it would be within the month, but as the weekend progressed it was clear it wasn't going to be much longer.  Monday night we kissed you goodbye.

I miss you.  I want you back. Cancer sucks. It doesn't give a damn about age or pedigree. It doesn't give a damn about personality or who you leave behind. Cancer just doesn't give a damn. Fuck cancer. You were my fun-loving, free-spirited, eccentric little girl that was taken way too early. You were only 3 and a half years old.  It's a good thing life is never promised to be fair.

Eleanor (Jane) Floro 11/8/09-7/8/13